THE WAYS HUSBAND CAN DEAL WITH PARENTS-IN-LAWS

 

      Note, first, your parents in-law are crucial part of your wife’s life, and this make them a crucial part of your life as well. It is a known fact that it is never easy  to balance your needs with the needs of others e.g. parents in-laws (your entire new family). But creating family harmony is possible and it’s very much worth the effort. The return you get on such investment will last to the rest of your married life.

      In order to maintain peaceful family relations with your wife’s parents, follow the following basic rules:

1.     Work with your spouse: To deal effectively with your wife’s parents start with working the conflicts through with your wife. Remember you are in this race together. Never pet your wife in a situation where she has to choose between you and her parents. Instead try to understand the bond your wife has with her grandparent and parents. If possible try to support that relationship. Even if your wife’s parents are from hell, they are her parents. Never go behind your wife’s back when you deal with them.

2.     Set boundaries and limits: With your wife, decide what’s important and what’s not e.g. No candy before meal time. No loan for in-law. Walking as a team set your family value. Communicate your values to your in-laws. Don’t make promises you cannot keep.

3.     Enforce the boundaries and limits, stand firm on it.

4.     Communicate directly. Avoid communicating through a third party.

5.     Know yourself, don’t try to remake yourself in the person your in-law want.

6.     Get along with the program: Adjust your thinking to the reality of the situation. Don’t expect what people can’t deliver.

7.     Learn to cool off: Be level headed many times, the best thing to do is nothing. Times heal many wounds and wound many heels. Spare your in-laws the insults and character attacks.

8.     Be mature. Your parents have to love you. It’s in the contract, but your wife’s parents don’t accept the fact that your wife’s aren’t your parents and won’t follow the same rules to make things work, give in on small points and negotiate the key issues. Learn to see situation from your wife’s parents points of views, even if you don’t agree, act like a big person.

9.     Be kind: Even if you have to grit your teeth try to say something nice. And if you really can say anything nice, shut up and smile. You and your wife are more powerful than your wife’s parent, you’re adults, you’re  family unit, you can control visits, holiday celebration access to grandchildren, don’t assume you are powerless. No one can push you around if you don’t let them.

10.                        Keep your sense of humor: An in-law presented his funeral plot why? Instead him. He replied, you might not make it through the birth and I thought you should be prepared: Instead of breaking his head. I just laughed and thanked him for the gift.