COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE

 

Introduction:

Courtship is the period between the time a lady say yes to a man and the time of wedding. It is the time they get to know each other in preparation for marriage. As the choice of marriage is important, the period of courtship is equally important, if there is no good courtship, there cannot be a good marriage. Both of them must open their eyes wide and see clearly so that they can know whom they are marrying, his strength, weaknesses and sort comings. Nothing is too small, too great or sacred to discuss.

 

Things to be put in place:

1.       A lifestyle of honesty and sincerity of heart must be displayed. It is not for a child’s play. Gen 2:24. Every time they meet, it must be for serious business, no room for hide and seek game. Gal 6:7

2.      They have to prayerfully decide how long they want the courtship to be.

3.      The testimonies of their salvation must be shared together. Rev 12:11

4.      Prayer and the study of the word of God. Sharing prayer points, spiritual doctrines, time of waiting. They should never under estimate the power of prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit. Ps 32:18; Rm 8:14

5.      Effective communication: Communication is the hub/bedrock of marriage. In every area of marriage; we need communication, therefore it is compulsory for a would-be-couple, if they will succeed they should learn the art of communication. Nothing is too small or big to be discussed. The extrovert should draw out the introverts to come out of his/her shell.

Things to be discussed and agreed on are:

-          The husband to be must start his leadership roles during courtship. He must look up unto Jesus for divine direction as they continue in the pursuit of blissful relationship.

-          Finance, how to manage their money – common purse or individual purse. Ideally common purse is the best. The early church practiced common purse. Acts 4:32; Gen 2:25

-          The type of home they wanted, (focus).

-          Their goals and aspirations.

-          Their ministry (present/future).

-          The number of children they desire (sex)

-          Their likes and dislikes (taste).

-          How to relate with their friends and in-laws.

-          Where to settle after wedding.

-          Setting achievable targets for future projects

-          Planning for the education of the children.

-          They must discuss doctrinal issues.

-          Determine to make the marriage blissful by working on the vows.

-          Attend various Christian programmes together i.e. seminars, crusade etc.

-          Visit important relations as directed by the brother/sister.

-          Is there any threatening challenges (beating, sincere, demanding for sex) etc. this could be a signal to call off the relationship: Don’t patch up going ahead on sentiment will end up in regret or eternal sorrow.

-          Purity is a must during and after courtship. Keep yourself pure must be a watchword for both. They can read Christian books to educate them on sex and other subjects.

-          Discuss about your hobby.

-          Commitment to their families e.g. education of younger ones, responsibilities to their parents and extended family.

-          The sister in consultation with her parent should determine when her would-be-husband’s people should visit her parent.

-          Thereafter prayerfully determine when the wedding will come up. This will be with the agreement of the two families.

-          The sister should collect the engagement list from her parents

-          Review the list together prayerfully, while ungodly items to be turned down e.g. alcohol, alligator pepper, sugar cane etc. The sister to present their final decision to her parent.

-          To determine where to settle. Providing accommodation and what they would need to buy to furnish the accommodation.

 

Preparation for wedding:

-          Both of them must be conscious of the fact that wedding is only for a day. There are lots of responsibilities ahead.

-          The wedding dresses must be prepared appropriately and be presentable. All to the glory of God (brother/sister). Col 3:17

-          Taking decision to cut their dresses according to their cloth to avoid debt after the wedding.

-          They should meet counselors for guidance. Prov 15:22. They should choose a couple with living testimony as their mentor.

-          After reception the husband should give vote of thanks. Plan for honey moon.

-          When they come together, there will be time of adjustment/testing period.

-          There will be shock period when the reality will be done on them.

-          The discovery of the real man/woman

-          Does he/she snores, any unpleasant habit, does his/her mouth makes noise while eating.

-          Presses toothpaste anyhow at the middle?

-          Is he/she meticulous, or care free, neat or rough?

-          Is he/she keeping his/her vows?

-          Is he/she a traditional person or Christian husband/wife?

-          How important is his/her family to him/her considering his/her extended family’s demand.

-          Trusting the Lord for help in the time of need (crisis, financial scarcity) etc.