"LIKEWISE..."

 

Introduction:

The gift of the family is a unique one from God, the author and inventor of marriage. He certainly meant well by instituting marriage! He said in Gen 2:18 “And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him.” Part of the intention of God for instituting marriage was revealed in that verse. First to bring goodness, to remove loneliness and to provide adequate help for man. What joy and delight the creation of Eve brought to Adam! He exclaimed excitedly and joyfully in Gen 2:22-23. “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man”. Did you notice the word “now”, it is like saying “at last I have found my type, the kind that my soul desires, a companion, a confidant, someone with whom I can relate, a true helper! He named her “woman” – “womb-man.” Even the name he gave her suggested that he saw her as part of him. You could imagine how Adam felt that day. He did not know what he was missing until Eve emerged. What a God! He saw the need and provided the answer. He is still in the business of meeting our needs even when we are not aware of the need! Remember it was when Adam was in deep sleep (resting, unaware of the situation) that God was busy working. The lesson from this is that we “rest on the Lord and wait patiently for him”. Ps 37:7. Why you are resting He is busy working behind the scene.

 

To make this union work and enjoyable (because it is supposed to be enjoyed and not endured), the originator of marriage himself laid down some principles that the couple should follow to make them enjoy the blessings of marriage. In Ps 32:8 He said “I will instruct you and teach you the way you shall go, I will guide you with my eyes”. Follow the manufacturer’s manual – listen to instructions, have teachable heart and allow Him to guide you through his word! With mutual understanding of what the instruction entails, desire to be committed to it while each ensures that he/she does not fail God and the partner. The relationship will be blissful. Love is reciprocal – it is give and take. This is expressed in 1 Peter 3:1-8.  …”Likewise ye wives ….. Likewise ye husbands. This underscores the fact that marriage is a joint venture, a partnership between a committed man and a committed woman. I have deliberately avoided the use of “two committed people” because of the menace of gay marriage!

 

If the couples realize that marriage can make or mar them they will take the two “Likewise” seriously.

 

The “Likewise” Of Wives:

1 Pet 3:1-6 “Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word they may also without the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear verses 1-2. What does God require from the woman in those two verses – subjection to her own  husband, chaste conversation and godly lifestyle that can lead to the conversation of a none-believing husband. Subjection in this passage which was translated as submission in Eph 5:22 is non-negotiable as far as God is concerned. It is not conditional for woman. It is the golden rule for her in the same manner as love is the golden rule for the man. Therefore before entering into marriage the woman should consider this. Marriage is not compulsory, if she knows she cannot submit to a man, she should not marry him at all. The message translation of Eph 5:22 gives us a clearer picture of this. It says “wives understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.” It means then that a woman who does not submit to her husband does not respect or fear God! Why should she submit to him v.23 answers the question. The husband is the head of the woman just as Christ is the head of the man. There is order in the church and 1 Cor 14:40 says “let everything be done decently and in order.” This means allow him to be in the forefront while you support him. Give him the No 1 role to play, don’t step ahead or struggle with him. You were created to support him.

 

Your submission and chaste conversation (good communication, the type that minister grace rather than causing strife) will not only lead an unbelieving husband to Christ, it will make others want to serve your God! Eph 4:29 corroborates this “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying. That it may minister grace to the hearers”. Eph 4:29. As a mark of respect for God and your head use the right words at all times even when you are angry. This is the inner beauty that verses 3-6 is demanding from the woman. Rather than making outward adornment her priority she should concentrate more on hidden beauty which verse 4 of 1Peter 3 calls “the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which in sight of God is of great price.” In this way she will resemble the matriarchs of faith – the holy woman of old time including Sarah, and her entire family will be better for it.

 

Now to the “Likewise .. of husbands:

1 Pet 3:7 “Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto  the woman as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered.” … dwell with them according to knowledge … what knowledge? – knowledge of the woman you married (not comparing her with other woman) she is nobody else but herself. Knowledge of the complexity of woman. She is not a man. She has her own area of strength and weakness as a woman. She may not be as strong as the man in some areas, that is why the Bible says “like a weaker vessel”. Therefore, she should be honoured, she should be handled carefully as you handle fragile things. Usually when you order for fragile things like breakables, they usually put the label “fragile, handle with care”. This sounds more like what God is saying in this passage. Honour her and don’t handle her carelessly, or else you break and scatter her! Paul gives an insight of how to do this in Eph 5:26-28. “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also love the church and gave himself for it: That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.  That he might present it to himself, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own body.”

 

The key points are:

1)     Unconditional love, following the example of Christ.

2)     A self giving love, not self getting. He thinks more of what to give to the union not what to get from it.

3)     He keeps working on her until he brings the best out of her.

4)     He loves her as much as he loves himself so what he cannot take from her, he should not do it to her.

 

Conclusion:

Our God is good God. He balanced the equation, while asking the wife to be subject or submissive to the husband, the husband is to honour her and remember that they are both heirs together of the grace of life. God knows that being the head, some men can forget that everything is about grace, the headship position is by grace not for him to veto everything forgetting that she is also a stakeholder in the home. While he has the headship role to play he should remember that the woman beside her deserves to be treated as a joint heir so that his prayers will not be hindered if he is brute or bitter, their overall head might decide not to listen to his prayers. If a man has a pack of unanswered prayers, before looking elsewhere he should check his relationship with his wife.

 

Apostle Peter rounded it up in 1 Pet 3:8 by appealing to all believers including both of them to “be of one mind, here compassion for one another, to love as brethren, to be pitiful and courteous.” When they are of one mind who can separate them, when they have compassion for each other they will treat each other with respect. When they love as brethren, there will be no friction, after all if they are not husband and wife they are still supposed to love the brethren. When they are pitiful they will not want to hurt each other and if anything happens to one, the other will show empathy. Finally if they are courteous, the devil will not have an inroad into their relationship, because everyone will be polite.

 

Ecl 4:9-11 tells us that two people are better than one for these reasons:

-          They have better reward for their labour.

-          If one falls the other person lifts him/her up.

-          If they lie together they have heat.

-          If the enemy comes both of them will join hands to confront him.

This is God’s plan for the couple and it is achievable if they follow the Manufacturer’s manual i.e the word of God. Marriage according to Eccl 4:9-11 is supposed to make the couple better and it does not, it cannot be God’s fault but theirs. For as you lay your bed so you lie on it.