Marital Adjustment - Genesis 2:24-25

 

MARITAL ADJUSTMENT

TEXT: Gen 2:24-25

 

A.    WHAT IS MARRIAGE: Marriage is a union of two (a man and a woman). Without controversy God instituted marriage for the benefit of mankind. There is need for adequate preparation for the two people coming together to enjoy the full benefits, though there is joint responsibility involved. This acronym is vital in the marital journey. It is five Ps

                                i.            Proper

                              ii.            Preparation

                            iii.            Prevents

                           iv.            Poor

                             v.            Performance

The adage says, as you lay your bed, so you lie on it. Gal 6:7 also says the same thing in different way. The first stage is for the two coming together to prepare themselves for marriage. Many do enter into this institution devoid of what it entails. Nothing can be so dangerous than for a pilot to handle the plane without the compass. These three aspects of preparation are, vital. (1) Physical (2) Spiritual (3) Financial. Hosea 4:6 should be their watch word to avoid pit falls.

 

B.    (i) WHAT IS ADJUSTMENT: Marriage is more than physical attraction, biological union and social integration; it involves total commitment, determination and taking responsibilities that lead to mutual well being.

(ii) BACKGROUND

The two people are from different background. They are two different individuals with different taste, desire, outlook to life, and different ideas, yet they are expected to “leave, cleave and become one flesh. Gen 2:24.

(ii) To be able to live together in harmony and become one flesh, they need adjustment (shifting ground). This is a vital stage, if they are fully committed to it, there will be marital satisfaction.

 

C.     WHERE DOES IT START:

This adjustment should start from the courtship period. The list could be endless, but these are some of the areas where they need adjustment.

1.     One of them coming from a rich background and the other person from a poor family. The one from a rich family should not allow pride to set-in, or look down on the partner. Humility is necessary; thereafter each of them should forget about their family status. They should work together for the progress of the family they are building based on love and trust.

2.     Effective communication is the bedrock of marital bliss. There must be openness and honesty in their communication. No grey area.

a)     EXTROVERT/INTROVERT:

The extrovert is a good talker while the introvert is reserved, withdrawn, tends to give short answers to questions, and prefers to remain in his/her shell.

b)    How will they adjust?

EXTROVERT: Should take it upon himself/herself to help the partner. Ask questions, open discussion, ask the same questions in another way bring up the matter at another time; until he is able to draw the other party out of the shell. The introvert also should cooperate, because not talking is a problem. Both of them are expected to adjust till they get to equilibrium. The talkative should learn self-control too because talking too much is also a problem.

 

D.    Togetherness/unity.

a)     From the Bible where the marital manual come from Ps 133:1,* Amos 3:3, and Ecc 4:9-12 are key  on this issue. For marital satisfaction and success, the couple must work on these values. Anything short of this will only spell doom for the home. They should learn to plan together, and execute the plans together without any deviation or taking one another for granted. They should not allow negative third party influence in their decision.

b)    UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER

They should discuss their area of differences, background (during courtship) and workout the best way to resolve challenging issues or how to cope with them.

c)     They have to deliberate on nagging habits and do away with some things or friends that do not help the relationship. Nobody must say “I CANNOT CHANGE”. With God all things are possible. Lk 1:37; Jer 32:17. These are some other areas where adjustment is necessary.

                                                                                i.            Snoring

                                                                              ii.            Pressing of toothpaste

                                                                            iii.            The way one of them uses the toilet

                                                                           iv.            One is neat, the other is rough.

                                                                             v.            Time discipline

                                                                           vi.            Slow/fast

                                                                         vii.            Generous/stingy

                                                                       viii.            Eating habit/lack of table manners.

As simple as these sound, they could cause serious problem in marriage if there is no proper adjustment.

 

E.     SOME PROBLEM AND HOW TO ADJUST:

                                i.            When the woman is not a good cook and the husband loves good food.

Woman: Accept your inadequacy; be eager to learn from, friends or professional cooks.

Husband: Be ready to teach her. Acknowledge her effort to improve. Praise her when there are changes, even if they are little. Do not give up until you achieve your aim. Pray for her.

                              ii.            The person that can manage finance properly should be the treasurer.

 

F.     THINGS THAT WILL HELP ADJUSTMENT:

1.     Learn to say thank you or I am sorry; these two words are part of the adjustment to be made (from courtship to marital journey).

2.     Don’t expect too much from their partners; they should remember that they are human being.

3.     They should be conscious of God factor, help from above is needed Ps 121:1. To this effect, prayer is important at every stage of their marital journey. Prov 3:5-6.

4.     If there is any area they could not effect the desired change despite all effort they should pray grace to cope or endure same. Obtaining the grace in such area is an adjustment that will not cause any conflict in the home.

 

G.    BENEFITS OF ADEQUATE ADJUSTMENT

1.     It will build good and healthy relationship.

2.     It encourages them to value their relationship; this will help them to invest all that is necessary into their relationship.

3.     It builds selflessness, tolerance and patience.

 

H.    CONCLUSION:

In conclusion, the ultimate is in Gen 2:25; “They were both naked, the man and his wife and they were not ashamed”. This is where good adjustment will lead the relationship to. It will enhance oneness and marital bliss.