INTERPRESONAL COMMUNCIATIONS: BEDROCK OF MARRIAGE

 

INTERPRESONAL COMMUNCIATIONS

BEDROCK OF MARRIAGE

 

WHAT IS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNCIATION (IPC)

            IPC is the face-to-face verbal and non-verbal exchange of information or feelings between 2 or more people through an appropriate medium or channel to elicit an effect with appropriate feedback.

            James E. Engel in his book betting your message across stated that Communication is when the create understanding mind and understanding is achieved, the task of someone who communicates is to

 

WHAT IS IPC IN MARRIAGE CONTEXT?

Amos 3: 3

            IPC in marriage is as sated above by the two spouses in agreement with each other to move the home forward and keep it in unity.

            IPC is the “oil” or “grease” of machine of marriage.  Without it, the machine will work with difficulty for sometime, before it finally breaks down which may become reparable or irreparable!

TYPES OF COMMUNICATION

1. Verbal Communication
2. Non-verbal Communication

IPC an Essential Ingredient to marriage Survival

VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Is the face-to-face exchange of information, ideas or feelings through audible means (voices).  Example: laughing, whistling, hissing, coughing, shouting, singing, talking, yelling, giggling etc.

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Is the face-to-face exchange of information, ideas or feelings through non-audile means.  Examples eyeing, looking away, snubbing, dragging of feet, writing while spouse is talking clapping, embracing, patting, touching, kissing, hugging etc.

 

WHY MUST SPOUSES COMMUNICATE?  HEB. 13: 16; LUKE 24:13

To share information, ideas or opinions, feeling or thoughts with each other. 

Luke 24: 17.

To give directions or instructions

To seek for assistance

To air grievances

To deepen relationship by knowing each other better.

To share the word of God with each other.  Col. 3: 16; Eph. 5: 19029

To avoid reading meanings into each other’s statements or actions.

To avoid unhappiness at home which may lead to broken marriage. Col. 3; Eph.

5: 1; Tim. 6

BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION OR IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

Improved relationship as spouse gets to know each other better physically,

emotionally and spiritually.

It allows access into partner’s inner being.

Deepens level of fellowship and interaction with each other and God.

Allow for mutual edification and understanding.

Partners appreciate each other and long for each other’s company.

1. Message

Must be clear, simple, straight to point with no ambiguity or offensive words but with love and to time. Eph. 4: 15; Prov. 15: 1; Prov. 16: 24; 25: 11; Eccl. 9: 17; Prov. 29:20; Isa. 50: 4.

2. Sender

Must pass message at appropriate time and appropriately

Be observant

Must not be harsh on receiver

Season your speech with grace. Col. 4: 6 – Offensive words

3. Channel/Medium

Must be appropriate

4. Receiver

Must not read meanings to messages passed

Be observant

Must be a good listener to avoid misunderstandings and frequent quarrels.

5. Effect

Messages passed must elicit an effect

Silence is not the best effect or response to a message passed except when the “directive” given, so to say, means keep quiet.

6. Feedback

Appropriate feedback must be given in a non-judgemental way.

7. Develop and show interest to your Spouse
8. Do tings together
9. Offer “TLC” to each other (TLC Tender Loving Care)
10. Use the “magic” phrases amply in your home, i.e.

(a)     “I admit I make a mistake” (6 words)

(b)    “I am proud of you” (5 words)

(c)     “What is your opinion”” (4 words) and be ready to consider that opinion.  Don’t say it for the fun of it, mean what you say.

(d)    “If you please….” (3 words)

(e)     “Thank you” (2 words)

(f)     Use “We and Our” not “I or Mine” while communicating with partner or outsiders.

11. Pray and Study the Bible Together, resolve conflicts and problems during such period – Family altar
12. Choose appropriate time to talk
13. use the “I” message in giving feedback e.g. I felt embarrassed when you shouted on me rather than you embarrassed me.

HOW NOT TO COMMUNICATE?

• No corrupt communication – Eph. 4: 29
• No filth communication – Col. 3: 8
• No foolish talking nor jesting – Eph. 5: 4
• Babbling and oppositions to each other – I Tim. 6: 20

 

 

 

SKILLS NEEDED FOR EFFECTIVE IPC (IPC SKILLS)

Verbal Communication Skills                         Non-Verbal Communication Skills

C         -           Clarify                                     R         -           Relax

L          -           Listen                                      O         -           Open

E          -           Encourage                               L          -           Lean forward

A         -           Acknowledge                          E          -           Eye Contact

R         -           Repeat/Reflect                        S          -           Sit Squarely (and smile)

Spouses become deep friends as they know each other’s weaknesses and strengths and learn to cope and live with each other.

Breeds respect between spouses.

 

COMPONENTS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

                                                (MS CREF) CALLED MISS CRES

• Message          Context being transmitted through spoken words or gestures
• Sender             Person sending message to partner with an intended effect or result
• Channel/Medium: Face-to-face interaction through the use of spoken words or

gestures

• Receiver:         The person who is the target of the message i.e. the person

receiving the message who is expected to act in one way or the

other.

• Effect:             The expected/intended action or an action elicited as a result of

message received.

• Feedback:        The signals used by the receiver to indicate response to the sender.

N.B:  Any Communication between spouses must consist of all the elements highlighted above for the communication to be effective and meaningful

                                         Sender

                                    (Intended effect)

 

         Feedback                                                Message through

                                                                            a channel

                                Effect

                                           Receiver

                                    (Actual effect)

           

HINDRANCES TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE OR COMMUNICATION BARRIERS

• Estranged relationship between God and a spouse or among the 3 parties i.e. God, Husband and Wife.
• Defending self when told of shortcoming(s)
• Who makes a move to settle a misunderstanding i.e. who bells the cat?
• Living together as strangers/”Touch Me Not” syndrome
• Bottling-up
• Quarrels instead of opening up.
• Use of Wrong words and actions to each other, rude, harsh and ridicule words ingratitude, unpleasant jokes etc.
• Inattentive ears to spouse while communicating, i.e. not listening.
• Bullying
• Telling lies about partner
• Getting angry easily
• Issuing threatening words
• Constant interruption of spouse by the other partner while talking
• Giving negative non-verbal messages like hissing, eyeing, shooting out the nose and lips etc.